Tangents

Secants. Cosines. Sines. 3.14159s.

Those of you that recognize the above, probably went to MIT, however, those of you that don’t, or vaguely recall, know this to be what the cheerleaders would shout during Cal Tech football games. This raises the question, Oh, yeah?

Well, yeah. It does. Because one of the greatest rivalries of the 20th  Century, was and shall ever be: Cal Tech vs. MIT.

Maybe I exaggerate to prove a point. Maybe I don’t. You decide. But wouldn’t it be great if it were true?

My daughter whom I may or may not have, and we have previously discussed that, so, I don’t have to waste any valuable words on an explanation for first time readers, has a really hot math teacher. She’s getting her best math grades ever during her so far, short lifetime. Not to be confused with, The Lifetime Movie Channel.

“Get to the point, Mike. I’m a busy man.” Or, “Mikey darling, please, can  we talk about something else?” states the aforementioned cheerleader.

Save the cheerleader, save the world. Okay, done.

Next?

Where were we? Don’t worry, I remember. Well, I know where I am, the question is, do you know where you are? Hint: I’m in Redondo Beach.

Still with me? Good! Keep reading. Now how much would you pay? But wait, there’s more, call now and receive a free, ginsu knife set. What this means is, you can’t raise or fold.

Poker. Why, what did she ever do to me? Okay, poke him. Doesn’t matter, I’m an equal opportunity pokee. As opposed to Pokey, Gumby’s pal that can walk through any book.

Come on now, sing it with me, you know you want to, “…He can walk through any book, with his pony pal Pokey, too….”

My pastor used a strange reference yesterday, in an attempt to prove a point. It actually worked, too. This raises a whole new set of questions, upto and including, “Mike, you goto church?” No, I didn’t say that. I simply said I had a pastor.

Which again, may or may not be true, based on whether or not you’ve willingly suspended your disbelief by now. Intrigued? I hope so, or else, the rest of this missive may not make any sense. As opposed to upto now, which makes perfect sense. Stay with me. Or, better, follow me, because I’m the only one that knows where I’m going.

And, I don’t even know how long that is, either. For the crude among you, insert appropriate dick joke here. There, I said it. This column is rated R, for the intellectually impaired. If your artificial intelligence is 17 or under, it must be accompanied by an adult.

Well, I see we’re at the half way point, or a third of the way through, depending on which  metric I choose to ignore this week, so, we’ll continue with the original topic of, well, what do you think the original topic is? No fair scrolling up, or back, or leaving this page to conclude your eBay auction.

If you don’t know by now, it’s simple. The Law!!! Is and always will be the topic. What is the law, you ask? You might, if this is your first time here. Or, even if it isn’t, you still might ask. The Law of Unintended Consequences™ isn’t like any other law you may or may not know or choose to follow.  Follow me.

The law of gravity is a constant, according to Sir Isaac Newton. F=ma. Force equals mass times acceleration. Einstein stated his theory of relativity thusly, E=mc2. Look familiar?

Back to what we were talking about, what were we talking about? Oh, wait. I did that joke already. Ok, math, And my legendary daughter. I’d like to believe she’s getting better grades in math because she knows that ninth grade is a chance to start over, and reinvent herself, and leave all her middle school mistakes behind. Of course, I’ve already stated the real reason, so, to continue….

There’s a law against running the red light. If you get caught, you get fined. There’s another law against stealing things. Get caught, goto jail. These laws and their consequences are easily measured, respected, and enforced, for the most part, despite what they would have you believe. Of course, no one knows who ‘they’ are. I don’t even think ‘they’ do.

Even if “they” know who “they” are, “they” don’t know HOW to enforce The Law!!! Simply because, well, it enforces itself, and inflicts severe penalties on those that ignore its existence. It is therefore my considered opinion that since this is the last post for me in 2008, and even though I’ve gone off on so many tangents that we’re not even next to the original circle yet, that I should make a prediction of the future, based on passed events.

The four most important words in The English Language in 2009 will be:

Follow me on Twitter.

Adjust your expectations accordingly. (These will probably be the second most important :)

72 and sunny in Redondo Beach. Despite evidence to the contrary.

Originally written as an Idea Masters™ column, on or near the end of 2008.

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